Wedding Crashers

The wedding was beautiful! The Indian people love color and aren’t afraid to show it. Saris of the most beautiful fabrics, made with gold leaf, red, pink or turquoise dye shimmered as the sun set. The wedding ceremony (which was just about to commence after 4 days of build up, prayer, parties and the like) began with the groom’s party arriving through the gates. There was music, dancing and much joy and everyone was still in the parking lot! As the groom (and his entourage) approached the hotel entrance, the bridal party blocked the entrance, teasing him and demanding gifts in Hindi. I was told that this tradition began when the sisters of the bride used to keep the groom out of the house before he came to take her away (to his family). The sisters could teased and bribed to comply with the groom’s heartfelt desire to meet his bride. An hour had passed and we were just now entering the building! The whole wedding followed the groom upstairs where another hour went by before the bride was brought in. In stark contrast to the groom’s gallant entrance, and as opposed to western weddings, the bride entered with her family and friends quietly and through the side door of the room. For her this day was to be a solemn one, as she was to lose her parents. Regardless of how she actually was feeling at the time, this tradition comes from the fact that historically most Indian marriages are arranged and little, if any, contact existed between the bride and groom before the wedding. As such, the bride would normally have mixed feelings about leaving her family to join a stranger known only to her parents.

This wedding too was an arranged marriage. Earlier in the day we’d been told that the mother of the bride was open to allowing her children to find their own match, but as marriage age had come for her, she had reached out and asked for help. The mother had networked within the community, and found a suitable Indian groom who also lived in New York and was of age. The bride’s and groom’s parents met and arrangements were made. Departing a bit from tradition, the young couple had met and had a chance to get to know each other before their wedding day since they are both living in New York. They looked excited, a bit nervous but quite committed to each other and whatever their future together would hold back in New York. We watched the entire ceremony, the exchange of garlands and the 7 revolutions around the fire. Most of the wedding was conducted in Sanskrit which had to be translated to Hindi for the crowd, bride and groom. When it was all said and done, we went back downstairs for the final reception, dinner, drinks and dancing.

Mom & Dad – when you read this, please don’t offer any traditional Indian “help”.